May, a month of disappointment and devastation. Nothing seems to be going right in most aspects of my life, i offer my sincere advance apologies for what will seem like a rant to most of you.
Since university started, i’ve dedicated time and effort to pursue excellence in both my studies and my CCAs , all in hopes of receiving a scholarship to fund my education. And although i’ve achieved a full GPA for 2 semesters, i apparently do not impress during interviews with organizations. I’ll never know the reason why but i know that i only have myself to blame. True enough it could be that my personality and values do not align with the organization/s that i have applied for, but the weight of rejection is hard to swallow after all the time, effort, and dedication i have committed. Be it CCAs, Communtiy Service, or Grades, i have striven for excellence and am glad to say that i believe i have excelled in all these aspects. Nonetheless this only makes rejection harder and only exacerbates the insecurity in me. The question of “am i really not good enough?” constantly eats at me and my motivation and drive is slipping away by the day.
To make things worse, i’ve always thought of my investment journey as a redeeming factor of myself. But lately i’ve realised that i have been making plenty of wrong decisions when it comes to buying and selling, this has led to a big negative in my portfolio (Of course this is partly due to the trade war saga, which i feel that the sell off is once again unfounded, I did read an article where an economist discussed the impacts of the tariffs and concluded that the actual impact on economies will not be as massive as many claim it to be. The degree of how true this is is one that i will not vouch for, but one thing i am sure of is that it will have a negative impact.)
As i’m writing this i feel the dissatisfaction and disappointment with myself welling up, and i think deep down it is ultimately my pride and my ego that has taken the biggest hit. It is the hopes and expectations that really damages oneself.
Thank you for reading, i am sure better days will come. To those who are facing difficult times and feeling the same about yourself, stay strong and we’ll all bounce back stronger.